Archive for the ‘Just for a Laugh’ Category

During a recent visit to the Kitchen Upstairs, one of my girlfriends passed a guy my way (or fobbed the guy off on me, depending on your perspective), stating that we seemed to have several things in common. “Things” in common turned out to be the understatement of the year, as he and I actually have the exact_same_name . . . yes, seriously. (I won’t be mentioning “our” actual name, as this blog is written under my Boulder Maven pen name, but I’m sure you get the picture.) While he was smokin’ hot and we do actually have quite a bit in common, I’m frankly unwilling to even consider considering the idea of dating someone with the same name. Isn’t dating awkward enough already?

What’s your reaction? Can love cross all boundaries or are there some times when boundaries should actually be created?

Update 07/26: This is apparently more common than I expected–check out this article recently sent by a friend!


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The Final Volume: XOXOXO. . .EX-O

Who would have thought that the complimentary additional month of match.com would turn into a dating tournament? For a few of the weeks, it started to feel like dating was my second job—let’s face it, continually socializing with strangers (horny, gen-x males in particular) can be downright perplexing at times. Can this possibly be an accurate sampling of the available fish in the sea? I’ve been trying to avoid carrying any expectation-filled baggage, but is intelligence, sincerity, and humility too much to ask? Perhaps having many close friends who are guys, like Matt (my future Man of Honor), has set the bar unbearably high. . .

Match.com turned out to be an interesting experience that illuminated both my growing ability to appreciate people for who they are and my very low tolerance for being pigeonholed. Although it was great fodder for the blog and my friends enjoyed some hilarious stories, I’ve concluded that it’s okay not to look too.

I actually think it would be an interesting social experiment to tour the fleet of online dating sites. What types of people are drawn to different sites? How do they judge compatibility? Do you see the same people from site to site? Not sure if I can stomach the thought at this point, but you’ll certainly be the first to know if I ever do!

Over and out. . .

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I’ve been seeing this website all over lately, so I’m passing it onto you. Get over to The Hero Factory and create your new alter ego!

It should be known that Super Maven’s real grocery bag would most certainly be reusable…


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Volume 4: Just When You Thought It Was Over…

You read right, my friends. Just when I thought my match.com days were gone for good, they offered me 30 more days for free. Another month of online dating masochism for the sake of reader enjoyment? Yep, I’m officially taking one for the team…Anne, on the other hand, has thrown in the towel—lucky girl.

My 30 extra days just started, so the outstanding results are still to come. For now, I’ll fill you in on the amazingly awkward activities of late:

Hockey555 sent me two messages in the matter of a week. Both messages were exactly the same, with the exception of the following line: “What can I say, I love a girl who loves football!” and “What can I say, I love a girl who loves beer!” Considering that I don’t love football or beer (and that neither of these two items are mentioned anywhere on my profile), I’d like to give a shout out to Hockey555–what can I say, I love a guy who loves to read!

My most horrifying experience by far was an e-mail from Vintage Night. As if his brazenly misspelled e-mail and profile weren’t enough, he added a completely incomprehensible component to the mix. Ready? Brace yourselves—here it comes—he’s one of my coworkers! That’s right, folks. Not only is he one of my coworkers, his e-mail, pasted below for your reference, completely fails to acknowledge that we work together!

Good Morning, I don’t realy know how to go about this as it have been over a year sence I have cunsiterd dateing. I would lik to talk to you and get to know on a more personal level. A little about me, I work for a  publish in Louisville…

Thanks for clarifying where you work, because seeing each other and conversing on a daily basis wasn’t enough confirmation. Is it possible that he didn’t realize it was me? Bottom line, Anne and I decided I should not reply for fear of perpetuating an already mortifying and awkward situation. What other choice did I have?

In case you were wondering about the self-described “dynamic, outgoing, charming, engaging, and friendly individual” who I mentioned in my previous post, he was certainly all of those things and more. After repeatedly kicking my butt in Scrabble, however, the one pesky word he always had trouble with was “childless.” Guess the “Want Kids: Probably Not” statement needs to be more prominently displayed on my profile this time around.

Here’s to 30 more days of delight!

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I’ve recently had some enormous laughs thanks to the Cake Wrecks blog. The site features pictures of the worst (i.e. most hilarious) professional cakes in the business. As if the pictures aren’t enough, the writing is absolutely delightful.

Still not sure how I managed to stumble upon the site, but I’m oh so glad I did…

One of my many favorites

One of my many favorites

Just the tip of the iceberg...

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Volume Three: “You Caught His Attention!”

After almost three months of ridiculous usernames, disturbing profile pictures, and questionable grammar, I’ve had just about all of the uncomfortable attention a girl can stand. As if the match.com messages announcing that I’ve “caught his attention” aren’t enough, I’ve also received e-mails from users like sandinmycraq, peekatmenow, and fitathlete30. Sprinkle the top of that sundae with 2,297 profile views and I’m officially feeling stalked. One guy even claimed that he recently saw me at a local coffee shop and proceeded to prove it by discussing the outfit I was wearing—thanks, match.com.

Here’s a little gem from “bpfb84” for your reading pleasure:

Well, I may live to regret this… but probably not. The doctors have told me I’m going to die in a tragic dog-walking accident next Thursday at 9:30. So basically, I’ve got nothing to lose. You like cupcakes, eh? What’s your favorite flavor?

Talk to you soon, if you’re lucky, I suppose.

Hope he made it to Friday.

In all fairness, I have met one self-described “dynamic, outgoing, charming, engaging, and friendly individual” who actually seems to walk the talk (he also logs the total number of vertical feet he skis each season, but we all have our issues). Looks like mum’s the word for now. . .

Anne and I are celebrating our big 3-month finale in early February—tune in for the epilogue.

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Volume Two: The Karmic Purge

Well, I promised updates from my match.com experience, so I’m sticking to that promise. In all honesty, however, there’s really not much to report. In typical Boulder Maven fashion, I’ve proven to be much more picky and easily creeped out than is reasonable when choosing to be involved in online dating situations. (Anne has actually gone out on a few dates already—keep an eye out for her update.) I’ve only replied to one of the many e-mails I’ve received from potential dates, I scoff at “winks” people send, I discriminate against profile names, and I’m currently feeling stalked by the 1,061 people who have viewed my profile thus far.

Wasn’t this supposed to be funny? For now, I guess I’ll have to settle for laughing at profile names—here are a few you might like: SeedyEye, MisterMainEvent, RomanceRabies, KingCobWeb, the incredibly enticing list goes on . . .

Anne and I have concluded that I’m currently undergoing a karmic purge. Until that cycle ends, there’s no telling how many more of these high-quality encounters I’ll have to endure. For your reading pleasure, I’ve compiled a verbatim “best of” from some messages I’ve received of late . . . yes, these are real.

Here’s a response to a line in my profile that says, “I’m looking for someone with bullet-proof self confidence and a touch of panache.” Seems like a match made in heaven . . .

I’m not sure what panache is, but I think there’s some on the bottom of my shoe. Every time I re-read your profile I keep thinking I see the word “ballet” but then I realize it’s just “bullet”.

This little gem is from a 46-year-old man in Boulder (I said I’m only interested in men who are 29-35, but reading isn’t for everyone):

May name is Gustavo. I was in the months of March Joining Match is before but I had the fortune to meet a beautiful girl that I dated for 2 months. Recently and out of the blues and after she told me that she loved me and adored me she said that she couldn’t be with me any more , I’m still heart broken, I don’t understand, I had no more explanation s or questions to ask. I had to move all my thinks out of her place. I loved her to death but she Couldn’t give me and explanation but to cry and tell me that she adored me and love but she had to let me go. It seems to me that happened to be very unstable emotionally. Very complicated and manic type of person. After having my heart complexly broken in pieces and ripped apart y cannot afford any more pain.Thats why a wrote this painful story, so the ones interested in me can read it carefully and know what I will no be up to . I loved and I still love this beautiful girl but was her choice to be affair and not be able to choose love .but fear
I want to find someone like you; I want us to be happy, lovers and friends.
If hat is you and you like my profile, send me a mail.

And this beauty takes the cake (i.e. the “should I report this guy to match.com?” cake):

I know this is going to sound really odd, but if you could keep an open mind . . . here we go. I’m in a wheelchair and have been since birth. I’m completely normal, except for physical ability. Because of this, I get a little. . . sexually frustrated. I can’t help myself because I’m simply not strong enough to get to my gear. I’m looking for a nice lady to help me get some relief because I haven’t had any in a couple years and am going mad. It could just be a one time thing, or it could develop into something more. My apologies for the awkwardness of this email, but I really have very few options. I figure we could get together, drink a little and have some fun. So would you be able to help me out?

Yes, I was officially speechless . . .

More to come.

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